man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
