the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
