whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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