My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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