I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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