If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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