look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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