Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
