whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
