Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
