I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
