WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
