I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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