i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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