why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
