it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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