Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
