dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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