You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
