You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
