Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
