He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
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