it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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