I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
