i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
