girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
