How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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