Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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