last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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