I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
