I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
