She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
