yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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