I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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