U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
