i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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