But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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