And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
