I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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