so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
