Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
