did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
