I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
