Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
