I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
