I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
