Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
