I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
