It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
