he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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