dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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