planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
