he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
